And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
