they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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