Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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