K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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