so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
