Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
