my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
