dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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