I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
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turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
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If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?