went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles