Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.