I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation