I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.