imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Dating After Heartbreak
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan