I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
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Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Houston, we have a blender
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
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OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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