Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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