youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
