U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
