I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
this is an emotional support booty call
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
