she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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