"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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