Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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