Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Blood and glitter go together right?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
