I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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