so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
