Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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