Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i think my mom watched the whole time
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
