In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
