There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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