How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
