I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
