I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
