the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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