I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
