we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me