i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
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and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
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You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.