we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
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I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.