She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
