I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
