his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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