glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
