OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
