This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
