your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
