in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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