There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I can't turn off my feet"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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