i permit you to call me
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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