don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
