Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
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