I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
