Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
