your room smells of hookers.
And success
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
