ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
wow bdsm is so cute
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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