Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
