it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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