Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
