i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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