i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
