i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
