Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
