Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
