i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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