That's when you crack a 10am beer
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
