My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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