your room smells of hookers.
And success
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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