This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
