I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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