Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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