she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Randomize
