one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
