Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize