she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
