Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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