she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
