I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize