the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
