Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
