what day is it and did you see me today?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
