Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
