My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Never joke about your clitoris.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
