new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Dick very happy bro
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