I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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