And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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